Finding the Courage to Do Things Differently

Recently, I made a huge life decision. One that I have been planning to make now for a very long time.

I deleted my personal social media accounts!

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

“You brave war soldier you!”

“Never has there lived such a courageous soul.”

This idea to rid myself from the shackles of the online world has been looming in the back of my mind, discreetly motivating me to take the leap every time I opened up a social media account, lost track of time and awareness by flooding my brain with content, and inevitably drained any mental or emotional energy I had mustered up for that day .

Being on social media for so long and so frequently has really tainted my perception of what reality (like, real life reality, not social media reality) looks like.

Despite the fact that in the past year I had undertaken a ‘deep cleanse’ of my accounts; unfollowing or muting any posts I no longer wanted/had a reason to see, (why do we all still follow those random people from high school that we could honestly care less about) and mainly only subscribed to mental health and wellness type of content, I still couldn’t help but become so aware of how… the same everyone and everything on social media is.

Whenever I had thoughts, feelings, or desires to do things that fell outside of the narrow walls of this mainstream viral world, I felt myself becoming strangely anxious about it, and holding back due to the fear of public perception. Looking at social media constantly trains you to believe that your and everyone else’s life is on display all the time, and thus every thing you do is up for critique.

Aside from the physicals: looking, dressing, and even speaking a certain way, there is a very narrow voice and perspective that is privileged on social media. Even in the health and wellness spaces I frequented, it was all a certain looking type of person, preaching a certain type of way of life - wake up at 5 am, eat these types of foods, follow these practices everyday for optimal wellbeing - after a while you realize that the constant consumption of content leaves very little space for individual creativity, preference and personality!

I am trying to pursue a freelance writing career, and I found that social media was really affecting my ability to hear and trust my own individual intuition, and I started to become a mirror of the thoughts, opinions, and appearances that I was constantly seeing online.

I specifically found this ‘sameness’ culture affecting me in the route of my recovery from an eating disorder. A lot of recovery and improving one’s toxic relationship to food and body involves rejecting the constant societal influences to eat less, the pressures to look the same, and the brainwashed messages that there is one way (usually the kajillion dollar diet industry's way) to health and happiness. Being on social media in eating disorder recovery is like an alcoholic trying to quit drinking by going to a bar everyday.

I also found that I was making social plans purely so that I could post about it, to prove to others that I had a social life, that I was ‘thriving’ - even, in fact usually, when I really wasn't.

Now that I am no longer posting on social media, I find myself going about my days purely to satisfy myself; I dress up if I want to feel good, I hang out with people I actually want to be around, I’m not living this fake performative life that was purely for public perception and validation. Regardless of what you tell yourself, the only reason you post a picture on social media is so other people see it. I bet if you asked the majority of this generation if they would still dress up, go out socially, or take that vacation without their phone by their side the whole time, the majority would most likely rather not go at all. We all have that one friend who breaks down upon looking over photos from the event, crying: "What was the point of getting all dressed up if I didn't even get a single good picture to post!?". That’s like… really sad!

Although stepping off of social media has been challenging in the sense that many people who are close to me personally don’t live with me or near me, and so I am no longer as up to date on what they are doing or thinking, maybe we’re not meant to follow the thoughts, activities, and detailed day-to-days of so many people. Maybe we’re all burnt out and overwhelmed because we’ve normalized this constant connectivity to everyone (everyone referring to the “everyone” that is portrayed socially, that realistically probably represents a very small percentage of the world)  and maybe a break into the real world is all the “detox” we really need.

I undoubtedly feel much clearer, less anxious and fidgety throughout my days, and I have all of this time on my hands now to discover what kind of life I actually want to live - for me, in my real day to day, not the one I have become accustomed to portray online.

What is your relationship to social media like? Have you ever considered stepping back, even just for a little while, and seeing how your life would change?

Thank you always for reading and coming back.

Here’s to living a life on your terms,

Julia🌞