Happiness Hacks for a New Year!

If you are reading this - Congratulations! You have successfully survived the first week of 2024 (gotta count every win these days, right?).

I know how daunting a New Year can seem for those of us who feel we need to constantly be in a state of achievement, and how messages from the media world can somehow make us feel behind already! So, to ground you a little bit, today I wanted to share an activity that I really enjoy doing upon entering any new chapter or phase of my life. I like to call this a lifestyle audit - basically a reflection of what practices from the last chapter I feel have worked well for me that I should keep up, and what didn’t serve me much at all and it's about time to let go of. I compiled a list of 5 of my favourite practices from 2023 that I know benefit my wellbeing in some way, and I wanted to share them with you as I feel that they can be pretty universal. I hope this helps to provide you with some healthy inspiration and wellness (of the non-juice-cleanse kind) goals to strive towards in this New Year!

Learning to let go of shame and stop apologizing for prioritizing my emotional needs

I went to therapy for many years (thank the Lord) and I can tell you that the majority of my sessions revolved around learning how to rid myself of the shame and guilt that I felt towards my mental illness struggles. Whether this shame is a result of external pressure, intergenerational influences, or my own personal perfectionist tendencies, I found myself constantly apologizing to people in my life for the way that I felt, the fact that I was feeling in the first place, and the times that I needed to say “no” to people and places so that I could instead say “yes” to my healthy self. I put more energy towards shoving down my feelings and struggles so that I could make everyone else happy, than I ever put towards just tending to my own needs.

Through much practice and many guilt-induced tears, I am now learning how to set boundaries in situations with difficult people (a simple ‘no' can be enough, you don’t need an elaborate excuse), and advocating for myself by communicating my own personal needs when I feel myself being affected. We all have our own, and they all deserve the same amount of recognition and respect!

It comes to a point where you must realize that no one is trying to move mountains/make sacrifices in themselves for your comfort, so why are you making yourself sick doing it for everyone else?

1 meal a day eaten MINDFULLY

Being in recovery from anorexia for many years now means that I have had a lot of education and guidance in regard to food and nutrition. One of my favourite tips that I always come back to is the practice of mindful eating (HeadSpace has a good article on it linked here ).  It is so common nowadays to turn on the TV or screw around on your phone when you finally take that break in your day to eat - but to take a lesson from my Italian heritage, I think that meal time should sometimes be a little bit more…sacred.

I find that occasionally when I am distracted with other tasks whilst eating, I end up eating too fast and robotically, and so I am unable to actually taste the food I am eating, register my hunger and fullness cues, and feel satisfied. It’s kind of like if you were to watch a movie with your eyes closed!

I now try to have at least one of my daily meals eaten without any distractions (no TV, no scrolling, no notifications). It has actually become a time of day that I look forward to, as it is one of the breaks I give myself from the stimulation of the day’s duties. In relation to healing my relationship with food, allowing myself to take the time to enjoy and have gratitude for the food I am getting to eat is very grounding.

Reaching out to people socially

As much as I love to talk, if left to my own devices I can go a long time without intentionally socializing. Most of us nowadays can’t deny the fact that much of our social interaction has been replaced with impersonal virtual contact. Conversing with friends and family solely through reels and memes is all fun and games until you realize that you actually have no idea what is going on in their life, how they are feeling and what they are going through (the topics of conversation that really enrich connections)!

We grew up in school being forced to be around and interact with others for at least 7 hours a day, to now being spread all over the map, some of us work from home, etc. and we have lost a lot of the genuineness that comes with natural human connection.

I realized last year how little priority I was putting on socializing and maintaining social connections IRL! Since I have always been super interested in learning about how to best nurture my brain health and boost cognitive function, I spend a lot of time reading up on the newest science out there regarding mental and emotional strength. So when neurosurgeon Sanjay Gupta shared in his book Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain at Any Age that one of the best things you can do for your brain is “Take a brisk walk with a close friend and discuss your problems,” my rule-following Capricorn self jumped right on the challenge. I got over any sort of weird egotistical feelings I had around being the first one to reach out, and I began to make time for in person socializing with people that leave me feeling abundant and motivated, as opposed to drained and negative (think: your friend whos only language is gossip). It takes time and effort, especially the older I get, but I started with just going to places and events that aligned with my interests and values, and I naturally came across people that I otherwise never would have met along the way!

Asking myself : What do I really need right now?

So much of my 2023 (and the isolated COVID years prior) were spent draining myself through content, constantly. Regardless of if you are as sensory sensitive as I am, however,(the thought of watching 8 hours straight of TV literally makes me sick to my stomach…) I think we could all benefit from a little less…constant stimulation. I mean, the fact that so many people claim they can’t turn their brains off for 10 minutes a day to meditate should raise some flags of concern, no?

When I deleted social media off of my phone for a few weeks (I have access to Instagram now purely for blog promotion purposes - promise!) I instantly noticed how refreshed and clear I felt. I now genuinely see the act of endlessly scrolling for hours on end as a form of self harm! Removing the 24/7 stimulant of social media meant that I now had time to pause and reflect on the desire that was coming up first behind the urge to check my phone. Some of those being:

• distraction from a mindless work task

• a desire to feel connected and included

• to post to receive validation and encouragement

• because everyone else around me was doing it

By removing the drug that social media is from my hands, I began to naturally seek out other ways to find and fulfill those desires. I took up new (and followed up on old) hobbies, I struck up communication with those around me, I exercised!!! We all claim we have no time at the end of the day to prioritize and nurture our mental/physical wellbeing, without even realizing the amount of filler we have injected into our day to days by consuming constant content. Rather than just default picking up my phone at the end of a stressful day, I am trying to learn to pause, get back into my body and ask myself, “What do I actually need right now to make me feel good?”

Sunday Gratitude Record

Every Sunday in 2023, I made a note of my “highlight of the week.” At the end of the year I had a collection of 52 beautiful moments/experiences to look back on and remember!

(I can't take credit - I got the idea from podcaster and former monk Jay Shetty!)

I kept the notes inside a little box, and any time throughout the year that I was feeling down or just needed a little gratitude reality check, I could pull out a random note and remember that there was a moment of good before, there will be a moment of good again. I find we often only remember the worst or most difficult parts of our days, and we overlook (or don't ever acknowledge) the natural tiny moments of beauty that hide in the rough. Each week I found myself looking for and taking note of a beautiful moment that gave me joy, even if it was something as small as “the weather was nice during my walk on Tuesday” or “I made it through another tough week at work.” Keep your eyes open for those tiny glimmers even on your hardest days - they are always there.

I would love to know what your favourite practices from 2023 are that you would like to carry with you or improve upon in 2024!

Buona fortuna,

Julia