It's the MOST time of the year...

I can't lie, I have a tendency to err on the side of pessimism (I prefer the term realism) when it comes to holidays like Christmas. Not only does my superstitious and anxious self tense up any time a day or event is highly anticipated, - the pressure to have the ‘perfect’ holiday that is usually a lot more pressure than perfect - but the older (and hopefully wiser) I get the more that I am starting to find the whole ordeal quite .. performative?

First, is it not quite naive to assume that the holidays are a universally enjoyable time for everyone, when there are surely a good majority of people globally who spend their holidays alone, sad, missing loved ones or wishing they had any? What about the folks who have lost family and friends during this time of year, or those who dread coming home to the family with whom the only thing they have in common is the same blood?

For those who are blessed enough to have loved ones with whom to surround themselves with, the pressure to spoil them with yet another material object they probably don’t need takes up more of your energy than the appreciation that you still have these people in your life in the first place.

Thankfully, my family has never been the type to do the whole “buy and hide gifts for Christmas” thing; we instead prioritize spending more time together that we usually can, a ritual I have only began to appreciate the older that I get (and the less that I have to encounter the “What did YOU get for Christmas?!” upon returning to school in January).

Now, I find it incredibly strange to watch the way that people are brainwashed societally into using the month of December to spend money that they don’t have on gifts for people that they barely like!

I also recall the lead up to Christmas as a child being led by my perfectionist Italian mother, who always spent what is ‘supposed to be’ the most wonderful time of the year planning, prepping and perfecting so that everyone except herself could enjoy the day as much as possible. It doesn’t seem fair that the people who deserve that golden holiday cheer the most are never able to find themselves present long enough to feel it.

I also can’t help but recall the fact that historically, some of my worst bouts of depression have spawned over the Christmas holiday season; something about the short days and long nights, the overstimulation of multiple family gatherings, the lack of daily structure and work to distract ones mind with… it really is a, if I may, *triggering* time of year. Thankfully, however, it seems that more and more people recently are opening up about the fact that the holidays don’t always end up being that picture perfect time of year for them that they feel pressured to believe it should be. This study states that “8 in 10 Americans feel increased stress” during what is meant to be a jolly time of year -> https://sleepopolis.com/education/holiday-sleep-survey/.

Now before you get upset that I have Bah-Humbugged all over your Hallmark holiday, this post is meant for those who are always pushed aside during this time of year, who are feeling down about the fact that they are having a less-than-socially-acceptable holiday season. I hope you can find some solace in knowing that I see you, and that you are not alone if the holidays always seem to overwhelm you more than provide you with comfort.

The holidays are just another passing season. May you try to not let this once religious now turned consumerist time of year make you feel any shame towards the way in which you decide to spend the holidays this time around, whatever that may look like for you.

Here’s to finding the beauty in a less than perfect holiday,

J